Silly bitches

The last chick that broke up with me said she wanted to stay friends but got offended when I asked if that meant I could be friendly with her pussy! I’m like, bitch, that’s all I wanted to be friendly with in the first place! What? You thought I liked your personality?! Deez bitches is trippin’ if they think I wanna be their friend!

The red baron

So I’m back in the dating game, and I decided to get a dog to help attract chicks but like most of my plans, this one back-fired. Not only do I have to feed this motherfucker but he bites anything that gets close to his face. I named him “The Red Baron” because he shoots down all of my planes or plans!

Facesuck

Facebook sucks! Mostly cause there’s everybodys fucking parents on the shit now, that or your boss. How can I say what I want to say when some mother is offended or some boss finds out that your secretly a drunk or drug addict and what’s worst of all I’ve never gotten any facebook pussy, so fuck facebook! Also fuck your parents, your boss and most of all fuck you you fucking facebook putas!

Loud Bitch

I had this girl, she was good in bed, but she was really loud in bed. I mean, I slay vagina and she would be SCREAMING my name! I’m flattered that you appreciate my hard work and all, but now EVERYONE in her building knows MY NAME and that I’M THE ONE responsible for, not to brag, keeping them all awake all night but now I can’t look ANY OF HER NEIGHBORS in the face! Thanks LOUD BITCH!

School vs. Night School

There is a big difference between school and night school. Be careful because getting them mixed up is very dangerous; If a chick tells you she’s in school, then she’s young, naive, no kids and single by choice. But if she says she’s in night school, she’s about 38, she’s got 3 of bebe’s kids, a drug problem and an abusive ex-husband!

We all want to be in school but not night school. College during the day is fun, the kids are young, and things are looking up. But when I started taking classes after 5, the whole scene changed, the people are desperate, and tired, and dying a little bit more everyday.

So next time someone tells you their in school, ask them, day school or night school, the answer may save your life!!!

Handi-incapable

Why is it always the physically handicapped dudes jaywalking? The guy with the big ass shoe, or the funny legs, or both. They just walk across the west side highway, not giving a fuck, looking at YOU like your the asshole in the relationship! I watched a pimped-out hover-round with a roof!, loud ass stereo!,and a sweet body kit, like fast & furious, with 2 fat ass bitches. 2 fat 2 furious! I say fat bitches cause I couldn’t really tell what they were underneath the fat, they slowly crossed Flatbush Ave and talked shit the whole time.
Another dude with some crazy legs crossed Atlantic Ave in the middle of the night, and if I hit him, the only thing that can happen to him is that the accident resets his fucked up leg straight, meanwhile my piece of shit Daewoo is all fucked up. All I’m really asking for is some kind of reflective tape or paint so I can avoid these fucking crash test dummies!

Halloween

So happy Halloween, but I’m struggling with some of these costumes, if you gotta explain who/what you are your costume is wack!
Then there are all you drunk college kids acting the damn fool, I don’t want to ruin your night but I will punch you directly in the face, pull your costume over your head like a hockey jersey then finish you with a mma flying knee.
But really I hate all those little kids who are all Capt. America! There is only one Capt. America and you are not bullet-proof!

Why Jesus freaks need to pump their brakes

So the other day, I was having a not-so-great day, I get on the subway and this latino dude gets on and starts giving a sermon. So if you know me, I’m gonna say something. I tell this dude, “just not now, go to another car, just not now!” His response is to tell me that if I don’t let him speak then I’m just like Adolph Hitler. The Jews on the G train took exception to that! Jesus freak, take it easy mang!
I found this online today and it’s pretty awesome. Bruce Wayne vs. Jesus the Christ

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This is SofaKingOfComedy.com where you will be given insight into my world and even a little bit of my mind, but I must warn you, it gets a little weird in there.

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