Analog porn

So we just had super storm sandy in New York and it really fucked shit up. I lost power and I didn’t know what to do, I was bored because everything that I do has something to do with electricity. And without it I had nothing, so I went into the basement and grabbed what had helped me through all those years before electricity had such a big hold on my life, my old porn collection.
So I got back upstairs with a big box of old school porn, all the greats; playboy, penthouse, score, juggs, and a few skanky ones, like skank, black tail, and frankly far too many Victoria’s Secret catalogs for one man. And I broke out my flashlight and started at it but it just wasn’t right, I’m trying to flip these FUCKING STUPID PAGES, and keep the light on this STUPID FUCKING MAGAZINE oh yeah and keep beating my dick! After about 10 minutes of futility and 3 FUCKING PAPER CUTS, I stopped and put my dick away, and threw away all that shit and it left me thinking
What the fuck am I supposed to do without Internet porn? I need super weird shit with sound and video! How can anyone survive without horrible porn videos to silence the monster?